If only a deep belief in our worthiness was innate for each of us. Unfortunately, our sense of self-worth is often fractured at some point in childhood. This is where our efforts to tie our value to external conditions begin. By adulthood, we need to unlearn the habit of measuring ourselves against societal, cultural, parental, and self-imposed standards. These invalid measuring sticks lead us to believe we must be something other than what we are to be worthy.
The trap of external validation
We fall into the trap of attempting to purchase our worthiness through material possessions and external achievements. When this doesn’t fulfill us, we seek perfectionism and approval from others, leading to harsh self-criticism. We give away our power to others, seeking validation from parents, friends, teachers, and social media.
Common external validation pitfalls
- Material possessions: New clothes, cars, houses, and gadgets
- Physical appearance: Weight loss programs, cosmetic procedures
- Approval-seeking: Striving for praise and acceptance from others
Reclaiming your power
No one else gets to cast judgment over your choices or evaluate your worthiness. When we hand over our self-worth to others, we become disconnected from our true selves and our values. To reclaim our self-worth, we must take responsibility for it and bring the power back into our own hands.
Steps to reclaim self-worth
Reclaiming self-worth involves a series of actionable steps that bring you closer to your true self:
- Transform your internal dialogue by speaking to yourself as you would a friend, with compassion and gentleness.
- Teach others how to respect you by setting and maintaining boundaries that protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being.
- Live true to your authentic self, being proud of who you are and pursuing what gives your life meaning.
- Identify what’s truly important to you and make choices that reflect those values.
- Accept every aspect of yourself, including your flaws and imperfections, without judgment.
Building self-worth through daily practices
Turning the concept of intrinsic worth into practical action involves a lifelong commitment to showing up for yourself. Here are actionable steps to develop self-worth:
Daily practices
- Monitor and adjust how you speak to yourself, focusing on supportive and empowering language
- Set achievable goals and celebrate even the smallest victories to build a sense of accomplishment and self-trust
- Use affirmations like “I will figure this out” and “I am learning to trust myself” to recondition your mind to support rather than sabotage you
- Regularly acknowledge what you contribute to your relationships, job, and community
Scripts to increase self-worth:
- “I will figure this out.”
- “I am learning to trust myself.”
- “Whatever life puts before me, I will use the experience to grow.”
Surround yourself with positivity
The people we surround ourselves with can significantly impact our self-worth. It’s important to build positive relationships and clear out toxicity from your life.
Building a supportive network
- Surround yourself with friends, family, and mentors who uplift and support you
- Protect yourself from negative influences by setting clear boundaries
- Engage with people who share and respect your values
Redefining self-worth
Self-worth is intrinsic; it comes from your perception of your value as a human being. It’s not dependent on external factors like achievements, appearance, or others’ approval. We are born worthy, but many of us are made to feel less than through conditioning.
What self-worth is not dependent on:
- Selflessness or putting others before yourself
- Relationship status
- Number of friends
- Achievements or wealth
- Physical appearance
- Societal milestones
- Approval from others
- Perfectionism
Developing self-worth means building your value from within, independent of external validation. It involves speaking kindly to yourself, setting boundaries, living authentically, and surrounding yourself with positive influences. You are worthy simply because you are.